I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have fence marks all over my body
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
