I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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