sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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