I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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