Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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