we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
