He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's never too late to be topless.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
