so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
