I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
