Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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