I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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