I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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