So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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