So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
