It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
