When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
