I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
