I cannot find my penis.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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