pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
