It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
