I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize