She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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