He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
