there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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