Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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