You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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