I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have post one night stand depression
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
