Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
