the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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