Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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