If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
