you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
