Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
