thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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