Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
