Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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