Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
