Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
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I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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