I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
