it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
