She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
