the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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