Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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