oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
