at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
