Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
