I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
