I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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