she looked like the bat from fern gully.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
