I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
