You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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