You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
