My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
