i already hear my dad disowning me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
