I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
