wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
