Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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