I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
