bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Text me some of your sweat
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
