I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
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she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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