We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
