bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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