Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
