Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
