why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize