Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
