Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
