come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
